Defining Relationships Friendship & Dating


Thursday, February 18, 2010

Infidelity: How to Forgive Yourself for Cheating BY Michelle Langley

There is plenty of information available to help the spouse who's been cheated on, yet there is very little information available to help the wayward spouse. Countless relationships end as a result of infidelity. However, it's not necessarily because the spouse found out and couldn't forgive the behavior; it's because the person who cheated couldn't forgive themselves.

If you are trying to come to terms with having cheated on your spouse, then you need to start viewing cheating for what it is - a bad choice. It's nothing more and nothing less. The old adage, "once a cheater, always a cheater" is nothing more than a judgment which is intended to deter people from cheating in the first place. Don't buy into this belief about yourself. Who you are today is not who you were yesterday. Likewise, who you are in a burning building is very different from who you are at a picnic. Our circumstances at any given moment can change who we are, once we understand this about ourselves we can begin to live at a level of awareness where choosing our behavior becomes possible.

Many would argue, (myself included) that it's best to tell your spouse what has happened, unfortunately though, many of us aren't in relationships that can withstand anything less than the image we project. However, that's not to say that our relationships can't or won't get to that level in the future.

If you find that you're in a situation where you don't feel you can share your indiscretion with your spouse without destroying your relationship, and yet, you also don't feel as though you can remain in your relationship without disclosing what's happened, then try the following:

First, find a couple hours where you can be alone without any chance of being interrupted (you will need a pen and notepad for this exercise). Now, I want you to write down everything that happened leading up to and including the indiscretion. The process is the same whether it was a one time encounter or an ongoing affair.

After you have written down everything in vivid detail, try to remember if there was anything you were afraid of prior to the incident. Typically, some type of fear precipitates cheating on a partner. For instance, were you afraid of not having anything to look forward to in the future? Were you afraid of getting older? Did you feel that this was your last chance at happiness and/or excitement? Were you afraid that your spouse was cheating on you? Really try to think back to what you were feeling at the time.

After you're finished answer this question, If I could go back, would I still make the same decision today, or would I choose differently? If your answer is "yes, I would choose differently," then write down all of the reasons you would make a different choice today.

I want you to reread everything that you've written. Take it all in one last time. Now, I want you to tear up what you've written and throw it away. You've acknowledged what's happened and you've come to the conclusion that this is not a decision you would make again in the future. Therefore, there is no need to revisit this experience again.

However, you may find that there are times when you will still feel guilty. Cheating is a little like dieting. So often when people cheat on their diets, they give up and stop trying to diet at all. It can be the same way with cheating on your spouse. People often give up on their relationships because they cheated. The guilt causes the cheater as well as the dieter to want to start over with a clean slate. So, the dieter goes on a binge and decides to start fresh with a new diet. Likewise, the cheater does the same thing - they give up on their relationship and they decide to start fresh with a new partner. If you can see the insanity in this behavior in terms of dieting then you should also be able to see the insanity in this behavior when it comes to relationships. A dieter with this type of mentality will most likely never lose weight; instead they will simply keep going back to the beginning, or in other words, starting over. If you apply this same logic to your relationship, expect the same results; plan to continue going back to the beginning to start over again with a new partner.

In the future, if you start to feel guilty about this again, I want you to read the following paragraph. In fact, reread it every time you catch yourself starting to feel even a twinge of guilt:

My relationship is not tarnished because of my behavior. I made a bad choice; however, no single decision has the potential to define who I am. I have not lost anything from this experience except the ignorance which is necessary to judge myself and others. I will forgive myself today - only by doing so will I be able to love and give again to the people around me

Now, I want to leave you with a question.

Wouldn't you rather be in a relationship with someone who knows they are capable of cheating and yet they are consciously choosing to be faithful; as opposed to someone who mistakenly thinks they are just naturally incapable of certain behaviors? If you have cheated on your partner you now have the ability to choose to be faithful instead of naively or childishly just assuming it about yourself; which means you now have the wisdom and experience to be truly trustworthy.

See, you really do deserve to be free from this guilt!
posted by Auxin at 8:42 AM 2 comments

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Herbs To Improve Performance And Staying Power Naturally! BY Kelly Price

If you want to enjoy better and longer lasting sex, then the herbs enclosed can improve both your sexual performance and staying power and they will work for both men and women - lets take a look at them in more detail.

You can get all the herbs we will look at in this article in blended sex pills for men and women, so you can get all the herbs in one easy and convenient daily serving.

Nitric Oxide the Key Sex Chemical

Nitric oxide is the chemical which ensures men get an erection in fact, no erection can ever come to fruition without it and also helps men can last longer in bed. In terms of women it ensures they enjoy better sexual performance and enjoy more satisfying orgasms - so what does this sex chemical do?

When nitric oxide is secreted, it widens and dilates the blood vessels which lead into the sex organs, so they can fill with more blood and harden and the really good news is - you can boost levels naturally with the herbs Horny Goat Weed, Cnidium and Ginseng.

Testosterone Boost Levels for Increased Sex Drive and Staying Power

Most people know that men need testosterone for peak sexual wellness and general health but women also need it or low libido can occur and sex can even become painful. Levels decline with age and many people can improve sexual performance and satisfaction by boosting levels. The two ancient Chinese herbs of Tonkgat Ali and Tribulus, are seen as the best herbs to boost levels quickly and they also contain a range of nutrients to improve sex drive and enhance satisfaction from orgasm.

Get them ALL in the Best Natural Sex Pills

You can get all the above herbs and many others in the best herbal sex pills for men and women and they will improve both your sexual health and general levels of wellness at the same time - try them and you will be glad you did.
posted by Auxin at 9:08 AM 0 comments

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Signs Your Boyfriend is Going to Propose by Gillian_Reynolds

As women we have this amazing inner instinct when it comes to the man in our lives. We can generally tell when something is bothering him, when he's hiding something and when he can't contain his excitement. The one area that many women just aren't sure of is whether or not their boyfriend is on the same page as they are regarding getting married. Although you and he may have talked about taking that next step, unless there's a ring on your finger, you can never be sure he's actually ready to walk down the aisle. There are actually some signs your boyfriend is going to propose that will give you a glimpse into what's in store for your future with him.

One of the most obvious signs your boyfriend is going to propose is he'll be busy planning your life together. This typically includes things like talking about whether you two should be buying a home together or how much money he needs to be investing in his retirement plan. His mind is focused squarely on the future and each time he brings it up he includes you in it. If he looks to you for your opinion more and more on really important matters that deal with his future plans, he considers you his life partner already.

Another sign that he's about to pop the big question is you'll have recently spent more and more time with his friends and family. Men like to see how their future wife fits in with all the really important people in their lives. He wants to ensure that his parents approve of you and that you can hang out with and have fun with his friends. If he makes excuses for why you can't accompany him to family celebrations or if you don't know any of his friends very well, that's not a promising sign and you may have to wait a while yet before you'll get a marriage proposal.

A man on the verge of proposing will also give it away through his body language. He may stare more longingly into your eyes when you two are together or he'll hold your hand a bit longer than he usually does. He's doing this because he feels closer to you than he ever has before. Men who are just about to pop the question are often just as overwhelmed with emotion as the woman on the receiving end of the proposal.
posted by Auxin at 8:39 AM 1 comments

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

5 Common Relationship Breakers BY Linda Jones

There are many things that can get wrong or from bad to worse in a relationship... it is depressing how many couples split-up because of stupid reasons. If you have the slightest feeling that your relationship is in jeopardy or if you inquire what went wrong in ex-relationships, take a look at the list below.

There are 5 "don'ts" in a relationship.

1. Betrayal of the partner

Absolutely unforgivable-you have seen couples that break up because of this, even families. It is hard to forgive and forget, broken pieces stay broken, this is life.

2. Being a private eye

If you check on your partner continuously, visit unannounced... he/she will get tired of the relationship. Everybody wants freedom, a private space, friends... Love means trust and respect, it is not funny on scrutiny all the time, do not act as a detective, act as a lover.

3. Lack of emotional support and attention

In a relationship mutual support and attention are essential. We are humans and we crave for being with our loved one, for better and for worse... when it doesnt happen we feel lonely and rejected. If you have such a problem, deal with it, do not avoid it. Stay close to one another.

4. Too many fights

Lets face it, in every relationship there are fights. Believe it or not, specialists say they clarify things, but do not dramatize, or raise your voice or offend.
Things clarify themselves if you have patience.
In a relationship, when it comes to fights silence is golden and too many of them ruin what you both have built with love and care.

5. Boredom and lack of spontaneity

Do not let boredom to step in, be creative and spontaneous. Think of common hobbies, activities that make both of you happy.
If love is in the air, every day would be a celebration of your relationship.
Even a ride in the park on rollers can be fun, or going to a movie, exhibition, disco, party.

Before doing anything that can affect your relationship, meditate a bit. Is it worth doing it and ending up alone?
posted by Auxin at 9:50 AM 1 comments